MOONRAKER

I am not very familiar with the pre-Brosnan James Bond, which is to say I’m not familiar with James Bond at all. I’ve certainly enjoyed the Brosnan and Craig films. Casino Royale is a great spectacle and I am excited to see Skyfall. But there is an entire oeuvre of kitsch that I don’t really know. Until now!

Enter Moonraker. This 1979 Bond film with Roger Moore as the leading man is decidedly on the Austin Powers end of the 007 spectrum. Rather than being coy and playful with its inherent outlandishness, it’s just silly. James Bond foils a doomsday plot…  in space!, because of reasons and a guy with a goatee. Moonraker is most remembered for Jaws, the tall henchman with metal teeth and a heart of gold.

Let’s take a photographic adventure.

Check out DB Cooper over here.

They call that fetish “polishing the metal dentures.”

Look at that sexy lady flying like an airplane. Really makes you think.

What a nice helicopter pilot. She prefers to be called a helicopteress.

Astronaut Zumba training!

Look at these friendly faces.

Foreshadowing!

Surprise Venetian knife assassin coffin attack! Oldest trick in the book.

Venetian gun assassin!

There’s actually a nice allusion to Spielberg’s Close Encounters when Bond is in Venice: the keycode he uses to enter a secret laboratory plays the iconic five note sequence from Close Encounters (1977).

Venetian gondola HOVER CRAFT!

Ahh, Rio.

Ahh, this guy.

Jaws has a romantic subplot. This is his sweetie pie and I love her.

LASER MONK. Friar Tuck? More like, Friar fuuuuuuu-

“Hello there. Welcome to my Mayan Spaceship Sex Temple. I’m not trying to kill you.”

Why don’t the sezzy ladies have safety helmets?

Space shuttle! There’s a dozen space shuttles in this movie.

Did you know the space shuttle is basically a glorified commuter bus? It is!

That’s actually cool.

LASERNAUTS!

LASERNAUT MELEE!

Oh James. Shuttles ain’t for cuddles!

One thing’s for sure: the poster is fantastic. They should have forgotten the film and just made the poster.

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