It’s the weekend. Here are jokes to use when you’re pretending to be a talk show host.
A no fly zone has been declared by the United Nations in Libya. Coincidentally, that’s a lot like my love life: after tense negotiations, a no fly zone is declared in and around labia.
CLASSY! Ask your gym teacher.
The House has voted to cut federal funding for NPR. NPR’s lobby tried to persuade congress not to cut funding, but all they had to offer was tote bags.
Violent protests continue in Yemen; Americans, of course, remember Yemen as the place Chandler Bing flew to when he broke up with Janice on NBC’s Friends.
Tonight, Matthew Perry will discuss the political situation in Yemen with Pierce Morgan on CNN for seven hours while the living ghost of Larry King howls from the rafters about his suspender collection. It’s what they call a ‘get’.
There have also been violent police crackdowns on protestors in Bahrain. CNN will begin reporting as soon as they can find Bahrain on their holographic world map simulator.
NOT THAT FUNNY BECAUSE IT’S AN OBVIOUS WISECRACK!
This just in: ICANN, a body overseeing various internet rules, has just approved a new .XXX domain name. Will pornography finally find an outlet on the internet?
In true, pure bred 1/256 Irish spirit, I celebrated St. Patrick’s Day with an old world tradition: sitting in the dark whilst drinking from an unmarked jug and cursing at the goblins.